Funny Spellchecker Fails and Silly Spam Emails

| January 12, 2016 | 0 Comments

My spellchecker, like my word processing software, is Open Source, so I guess I can’t really expect much of it. As time goes by it’s becoming more and more outdated, often to hilarious effect, with a stream of crazy spellchecker fails. At the same time Mr Spam’s creativity is increasing exponentially, with equally funny results.

Here are some of my favourite spellchecker fails and email spam outrages.

The 15 best spellchecker fails for January 2016

  1. Spellchecker doesn’t like doddle. It suggests diddle. No, no, no, no no!
  2. Cyber, apparently, isn’t a word. It suggests cuber. Cyber-hacking is a no-no too. It prefers car jacking
  3. Stats is wrong, I should replace it with stars
  4. Ironically, spellcheck doesn’t like Alibaba. It would prefer me to say Taliban
  5. Equally ironically, it says I ought to replace Obama with Osama
  6. Malware is no good. Spellcheck suggests enamelware
  7. Spellcheck doesn’t like ‘apps’. Computer says “no”… it recommends apes instead
  8. Minging isn’t a real word. Spellchecker wants me to say munging. What on earth is munging?
  9. Tech doesn’t exist. It specifies etch, or teach
  10. There’s no such thing as geeks. Spellcheck prefers gees or reeks
  11. Outer space? Outer spew is the recommended alternative
  12. Movie? Eh? Spellcheck likes morphine better
  13. I shouldn’t say smartphone, but gramophones is – allegedly – perfect
  14. Scammers don’t exist, but stammers do
  15. Nitty gritty? Nah. Spellckeck prescribes anti-gravity

12 dreadful spam email offers it’s easy to resist

  1. Mr Spam tells me ‘terror never has a day off’. And it’s no good being armed either, I need a super-bright torch instead. Yeah, that’ll show ’em.
  2. Mr Spam says I should stop taking erectile dysfunction pills. Oh, OK then. Thanks for the tip, mate.
  3. Mr Spam tells me that, ‘every American needs a flashlight bright enough to dazzle a bear’.
  4. Mr Spam asks me, ‘Are you going to die?’. Well yes, I should think so, eventually…
  5. I am endlessly baffled about Mr Spam’s ongoing insistence that I enjoy a flight simulator experience.
  6. Mr Spam tells me I can avoid terrorist attacks like the Paris one by using a ‘special gadget’.
  7. Mr Spam says I can disorientate threats without heavy fire. Good-oh. I shall stash my Bofors gun back under the stairs, then.
  8. Mr Spam, who obviously has no conscience or common decency whatsoever, offers me a 90 day ‘cure’ for Alzheimers.
  9. Mr Spam tells me a naked Russian lady wants to connect with me. I can barely contain my excitement.
  10. Mr Spam is offering me a magic thermodynamic box. He didn’t explain what it’s supposed to do.
  11. Mr Spam’s latest offer is a very special gadget for creating ‘magical’ grilled cheese.
  12. Mr Spam says his ‘miracle diet’ means I never have to exercise again.

Have you come across any similar beauties? If so, feel free to leave a comment.

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Category: miscellaneous

By Kate Goldstone - ()

Originally from Middlesbrough, I lived in Brighton for many years before moving to North Devon. I’ve had a passion for words all my life and this is my twelfth year as a freelance writer. In my spare time I draw, paint, sculpt, carve wood and rock, garden, read, write poetry and enjoy long distance hiking. I sing and play the recorder. I collect modernist paintings, vintage rugs and mid-century German art pottery. I’m a member of The Poetry Society. And I am an experienced volunteer shepherd, a ‘Lookerer’.

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