If you’re making a brilliant offer, make it clear!

| August 10, 2011

Clarity is really important when you’ve only got a few scant seconds to grab and hold your audience’s attention.

If you’re making a special offer it’s vital to get your message in good shape. Or you’ll get a feeble response.

I found this yesterday: Get a 90 day free trial for a targeted professional ad for your business for just £8.99 per month.

Hm. They’ve used the word for three times, which is lazy. Per month is unnecessarily pompous compared to the plain English version,  a month. And the proposition doesn’t make sense. Is it free? Or is there actually a monthly charge?

As it turns out, on investigation (I was curious!) they were offering a free ad for three months, which would otherwise cost £8.99 a month. Here’s a couple of ideas for expressing the deal better and in fewer words:

  • Targeted advertising – FREE 90 day trial – usually £8.99 a month
  • A powerful targeted ad FREE for 90 days – normally £8.99 a month


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Category: copywriting and marketing

By Kate Goldstone - ()

Originally from Middlesbrough, I lived in Brighton for many years before moving to North Devon. I’ve had a passion for words all my life and this is my twelfth year as a freelance writer. In my spare time I draw, paint, sculpt, carve wood and rock, garden, read, write poetry and enjoy long distance hiking. I sing and play the recorder. I collect modernist paintings, vintage rugs and mid-century German art pottery. I’m a member of The Poetry Society. And I am an experienced volunteer shepherd, a ‘Lookerer’.

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